How to Survive Heartbreak from a Failed Intercultural Relationship
Love conquers all. Or so they say, because based on this article from Psychology Today, “On average, intercultural couples have a 10 percent higher divorce or separation rate.” With this figure, it seems love sometimes has difficulty crossing intercultural relationships.
I have a friend who was with her significant other for five years. Out of the blue, her partner told her he was letting her go because apparently, they could not be together coming from different cultures. He came from a culture of fixed marriages. Their relationship went against all of the tenets of his culture; in fact, he should not have been dating her in the first place. My friend knew what she was getting into. She knew they would not end up together because of his beliefs, which he somehow managed to ignore for five years. But perhaps there was something in his demeanor that made her believe that he might decide against his cultural norms and ask her to marry him. After all, why be in a relationship for five years if you know it will end in separation?
So, even in the middle of a work week, we joined her in drowning her sorrows in glass after glass of mojitos.
She poured her heart out to us, and there was nothing we could do but sympathize. We’ve all had our share of heartaches, but wow, this one hurt even to hear about. It made us question if he did love her during the relationship. He even ended it in a text message without offering any further explanations. (Guys: don’t do this. Come on. Be an adult, and if you need to end it, be a man about it. Sure, there might be drama about the break-up, but we are resilient. We’ll get over it. It’s not like you’re Chris Evans or something.)
Some people even prefer to date outside of their race, culture, or ethnicity. Ironically, in some cases, the relationship ends because of cultural differences, which is at times even harder to accept. Sure, if the relationship falls apart because of a third party, it’s easier to understand the relationship’s demise. But when it’s about cultural differences, especially when families are involved, it’s like there’s nothing left to do but to surrender.
Surviving a Failed Intercultural Relationship
1. Cry
It is self-destructing if you bottle everything up inside of you. So go ahead and cry. Embrace the pain. This is cathartic. You will feel a lot better afterward. Watch a couple of rom-coms, grab a pint (or more) of your favorite ice cream (chocolate is the best) and lock the doors. It’s best if you have a comfortable blanket, a box of tissues and a furry friend with you.
2. Engage in a Hobby
After the cryfest (which hopefully is the last), you will need to fill your schedule to avoid emotional moments. Don’t let yourself have a lot of free time on your hands. Otherwise, you will find yourself reminiscing about old times or daydreaming that he might come knocking on your door, a bouquet of roses in hand, begging you to come back to him, all wet because he ran through the rain. THIS ONLY HAPPENS IN THE MOVIES.
Go to the gym, learn a new language (but don’t turn it into a quest for a new beau to have an intercultural relationship with), take up crocheting and crochet yourself a new boyfriend.
3. Reconnect With Lost Friends
Studies show when we fall in love we lose two close friends. And according to the eccentric but wise Phoebe Buffay, “Boyfriends and girlfriends are gonna come and go, but this is for life” pertaining to her friendship with Joey.
So now that you are single again, rebuild burnt bridges. You will need all the support systems you can get. Book an appointment at the spa or favorite salon. You probably need to suck up to your “dumped” friend if you need to reconnect. Chances are they are sulky and might take a little cajoling to let you in their lives again.
4. Don’t Jump Into a New Love
This doesn’t mean pining after your failed intercultural relationship and waiting for him to come to his senses and defy his parents and or culture. Just try and enjoy being single. Be selfish and dedicate all your time, love, and attention to yourself. Also, apply this rule from MentalHealth.com, “You should wait a month for every year that you were in the relationship before jumping back into another one.”
And cliché as it may sound, piece together your broken heart so when “the one” comes, you are ready and whole.
5. Put your Wall Up
I don’t mean to tell you to be a recluse and buy a thousand cats. Just be wary. Guard your heart and open it for someone willing to jump hoops and overcome obstacles. If they do, they might not be deterred from fighting for you and not letting the issue of cultural differences hinder your love.
When and if you’re ready again to welcome a new someone, you have to remember love will certainly hurt you; you just need to find someone worth all the hurt and pain.
